I write this blog post to express my pain, and writing has always been my favorite things to do in my painful situations.
Why? Why? why? why god.. do you have to punish your children by taking away their parents. I know death is the most practical reality of life, but why so early.. why when no one is prepared? If you want us to accept your decisions with grace, please take them with responsibility. I know all the atheist and agnostic friends of mine would be ready to fight back saying, its all science. God is nowhere responsible for good or bad things that happen. But you know, sometimes we just have to blame someone.. it gives us peace, a kind of solace.
We all handle death in numerous ways. some are strong, some fall weak, but i always felt that i would cry and eventually forget. I thought that if i know the person really well only then will i feel bad, else even if i try i would not cry. I also felt that i would never be able to see a cremation, see a person, with whom we have shared the best of our moments, who have seen us as a baby, whom we have seen behave like a baby. But all my beliefs and my opinions overturned when i saw my dearest friend lose her dad..
I knew uncle very less, i was not supposed to cry, but everything that she told( memories flood into your mind in these situations ), every tear that fell from her eyes, just dragged the strong girl from my body and throw her outside and my weak self gave in. I could not stop my tears but could not stop it either. I had to be strong for her. Every time i would put myself in her place i would shatter from inside. Whenever i would think that there would be no dad calling on her phone, i got shivers. Hats off to you that you stood strong my friend. I had never attended a cremation before, i never wanted to either, but this time i could not let her stand alone in such a tough situation, i went. And to my surprise i din feel scared or upset. Because by then uncle had just reduced to a body.
Rituals.. they have been specially crafted to make the person feel bad, hurt and make the tired eyes cry again. People, stop having rituals which make you feel bad. God will never want such a sacrifice from you. Please realize that someone out there has lost their father/husband/mother/daughter…… please don make it worse for them by pushing them to see their near and die get burnt to ashes. It might amuse some people and be a public melodrama but its not an easy situation at all for people who are really going through it.
Sometimes no set of words can be right. I could not say a word, i always felt i was faking though i was not, but just could not say anything. Because no words can comfort the other person because no matter what you, death is an irreparable loss. This time the loss is eternal and he would never come back. No matter how much you call him back.. he would not come back.
I know all of us may have lost someone we must have loved with all our heart, i just hope their souls rest in peace and may god give strength to all of them who are not prepared for this situation. I know one can never be prepared for it, but everyone needs some time to fulfill their dreams, to see their kids settle, I wish if by any chance one does not have time at least give their near and dear people strength to cope up with this harsh reality of life. You know sometimes that might just be the beginning of their lives…
PS: I wrote this blog post not to hurt anyone/ remind them of their sorrowful incidents but because i could not keep so much pain inside me..