When i decided to leave Facebook

Happiness is a state of mind. And life these days is incomplete without sharing that state with your friends,friends of friends and everyone who has connectivity to internet. Yes i am talking about sharing happy moments on Facebook.

So when everything was so happy on Facebook, why did i leave it? I left it because Facebook told me that everyone in the world was happy except me. Every time i would open my FB page,  there would be at least 3 friends who have got married, 4 friends who have got engaged, 2 friends having a baby, 5 friends moving to the US, and another 50 friends having checkins at places you were always waiting to go, and you , the small pathetic you, is scrolling through their smiles on your FB wall, while munching some unhealthy stuff.

I sulked and sulked to think why my life was so sad, i was not even able to count my blessings, and all that i could think off was the countless issues i had with life, be it professional or personal. This is called the Facebook Depression(this is in my medical terminology 😛 ).  But nevertheless, i still clung on to this self torture, but soon i got the blow. The strong person inside me, decided to show the world, that i also can smile and i went ahead and posted a status brimming with philosophy only to check every five minutes to see how many likes i got, but when the likes were crawling, i decided to post a picture and the response was not very different. The likes were less not because the picture was not great but may be because the picture exposed my desperate attempt to get my life back.

And my relationship with facebook was so self inflicting and excruciating that i needed to stop this and move on. And the break up was for good. Its been close to 1.5 years that we have not looked back at each other, because he always found company of people who feeded on the the likes their pictures got and those “awww” comments their statuses got and i finally found Peace.

I finally see happiness in my life, get more time to talk to my parents, spend no time taking a 100 selfies for a perfect DP, and do things which make me happy. I no longer feel the need to tell those 500 odd friends what issues i am dealing with and which place i am having my dinner tonight. Those friends who really want to tell me what’s changing in their life, will call me to tell me, they will not send me a group invite for their wedding, and neither will I.

I opened Facebook today, because i wanted to see if Facebook has included a reason like “Why only my life sucks while everyone else’s is flourishing” 😛 when you try to deactivate your account :), it hasn’t. And my wall is still filled with the same old stories.  🙂

This post is not against FB but against every that thing that makes you unhappy but we still find are tempted to go through pain. And if i could break-free, anyone can.

So if you are always in a troubled relationship with Facebook, its time you breakup and start an amazing new year. 🙂

 

 

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What is your idea of Happiness?

Is happiness a gift? Hell Yes it is. Ask that to a person who is not happy and he will tell you that its possible one thing money cant buy and will never be able to. We all work hard, slog, kill some smaller wishes to fulfill bigger ones only because we all have a perfect idea of happiness. For some of us it is being the best at work, for some it is having lot of money, for some it is travelling, for some it is singing and the list goes on. But i never get happy, i never even reach close to being happy, because my head is clouded with only problems. For instance if you gave me a diamond ring, i possibly would get worried that its so expensive that i might just lose it, i would hardly admire its beauty or feel happy. They say that as adults we usually get very calculative in our head, have too many things to deal with, and children on the other hand are happy without a reason. I am sure you must have seen a baby smile without a reason, well i do not recollect of what i did as a baby, but from when i remember, i was a child with problems. The better i scored at subjects the more worried i got, since the teacher said keep it up and i took it too seriously. My close friends say that even if i have everything, i would be unhappy not because i would be greedy for more, but because being sad has become my second nature.

My life has been driven by rules, values, morals and perfection. I worked equally hard for both my class tests and annual exams. I liked working hard and i took the responsibility of this world on my shoulders. But it did not fetch much, i did not make it to the best institutes or companies. And hence the disappointment with my own self stayed. I also am not a bold person, i did not have the courage to pursue my dreams, i had very less to count on and i did not want to lose it for a fancy of mine. All i ended up doing was compare myself with every other person whose life i thought was perfect. And it depressed me further.

So has all of this regret and negativity driven me to write this blog post? NO.  This post is just another mechanism to be able to live my life better, to forget the rat race, to be Happy. I have to practice to be happy, and that how difficult it has got. I stopped writing, initially i thought because i felt lazy, but actually i was so disappointed in my head with my own self, that i knew no one would look up my post. I forgot the very reason, why i used to write, because i liked it. This post is the first attempt to help myself come out of this self proclaimed depression.

My idea of happiness was doing extremely well at career, taking care of my parents, being an independent woman, having a successful partner, going all around the world and blah blah. Actually the real idea of happiness is nothing. There is no secret ingredient.

The real idea is to be with people who love you, to do things that you like. And that is what i wish to do and will do. I will continue to work hard, but i will stop killing myself over not getting that perfect life which does not exist.

 

 

Back to the days of Innocence.

My WhatsApp status is “Searching for Peace”, and trust me mental peace is the most expensive commodity for me today, I have tried shopping, watching movies, eating junk, and blown quite an amount thinking i will be happy and peaceful. But i guess i got duped by these artificial senses of pleasure. There is no specific reason to be unhappy; i have a settled job, a happy family and a close knit group of friends. But at times grief and tension seems to take a toll on me, so i had to resort to my last option; writing. And here i am again to share titbits of my life.

Getting old

I am a month away from my 25th birthday and introspection is at its peak. Looking back at the years of my life, my achievements, my share of joy and sorrow is all i have been doing from the beginning of this year. Where my mom feels i should get married, my dear learned colleagues at office feel, i should accomplish more, my friends feel i should go for higher studies, i am dreaming of the impossible. I want to go back a decade and a half to a time where peace was free. I want to go back to those days of school dress, holiday home works, and those short walks with my mom and brother from school to home.

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It brings a smile to my face thinking of the happiest times in my life, which i possibly did not notice then. It was such a beautiful routine, wake up, dress up, reach school just in time, rush for prayer, enjoy the classes, finish homework in school, crack silly jokes with friends, call each other pet names, gossip about the monitor and munch on those simple lunches. After school, my brother and I used to walk down home with mom, I used to tell her so many stories of school, and buy chocolates everyday (no wonder I had two root canals J ). Once I reached home, I would quickly change, have a quick bite, and happily take my afternoon siesta with mom. And at about 5, I used to sneak out of the bed and go to play with my colony kids.  Back then jumping between boxes blindfolded was more nail biting than writing CAT. After getting back home , it used an hour of study and then watching movies and serials with mom till dinner time. And trust me at that time Jassi jaisi koi nahi, was my favorite show , it was not some stupid serial. And finally it was time for peaceful sleep again.

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Times now have definitely changed, since now long walks with mom are scary, since it will start with her friend’s daughter’s marriage but will shift to mine, in no time. Now nothing is simple anymore, you have to be so diplomatic at work place, where we spend the most of the time, that those innocent smiles are lost. A lot of people know me as miss chatter box, but ask people around me now, they possibly have not even noticed me, since when you grow up, and you look at people with those dirty lenses of judgment, with mind full of prejudices and heart full of negativity. And hence I build a hostile boundary around me and do not make friends anymore. And if some person is able to cross all these layers and be my friend then they stay so for a lifetime.

At times I feel, in this race to be mature and smart, have we really left those innocent selves behind where smiling at the camera was because you were happy not because you were going to make it your Facebook profile picture. I miss going to bed with absolutely nothing on my mind.

I hope I will have days, where I can laugh my heart out with friends, where I can go on even longer walks with mom and quit fighting demons of my life. J

Images courtesy:Google

The agony of my broken shoe

Does it sound like a very errand topic to blog on? But these random and unimportant things are actually the most lovable experiences in our life.

On that note, if i ask how many of you have gone through the pain of broken shoe? I am guessing most of you have. This blog post is about my association with a broken shoe.

As of now i have 12 pairs of shoes, does it sound like a big number or am I still lagging behind in the competition, because i know so many friends of mine who have more pairs than me. My daddy says, even in my 59 years of life i have not bought so many pairs, but then how will men understand that for women, with a different pair of clothing there goes a different pair of shoes. 😀

 

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It is not that i only and only and buy branded stuff, i do have a lot of street collection which lasts for 2-3 months depending on how much i use it and when i pay 200 for it, i know that is how much it is going to come for. So no complains. After all with our limited salaries we cannot afford every new design of catwalk or hush puppies. But the problem arises when the shoe breaks on a sunny afternoon, on the road with not a shop open, let alone a cobbler. I know it’s my fault, i mean i jump on water puddles with that poor little shoe in water, I drag it in mud and put it through every inconvenience. So at a very sudden point it gives up and without any heads up, it breaks.'It looks like Dutch Elm disease.'

So once, during my college days, i had my last final exam of my last year in college left. I was so excited that i hardly bothered what i wore and just sprang out of the door and started walking towards the bus stop. Half way through my shoe broke. I got nervous(thought it to be a bad omen) and started dragging my feet and kept limping till i found a cobbler. I could have instead gone back home and wore another pair but we don’t get these brilliant ideas when we panic. I somehow got it repaired, reached just before time and wrote my exam really well.  That sandal survived another two months before it left me. These are the times when i realized, how much we need people who can fix our shoes, it is definitely not an odd job. They are as good as doctors in our time of need.

 

Yet another incident happened on my way to work. I usually travel an hour before i reach office, and i was wearing a shoe which was in a pretty good shape. But at times it is as though god somewhere plays his evil tricks on us, just to have a laugh. The moment i got down from the cab, it broke. For a moment, i just looked up at the sky and thought, “really!!!, this is how you have fun”, anyways i would not be defeated so easy. Thankfully at that time i had made this new friend at office who used to pick me up sometimes from the bus stop on his way to office. But sadly i did not know him very well, and that just increased the embarrassment. But i knew hiding the broken shoe would not be easy, and hence i told him about it and he was kind enough to say, that lets go to a shop and buy a new pair(which he later admitted was just out of formality 😛 ).  And then out of frustration i actually threw those shoes on the road(a stupid act on my part to hide my embarrassment).  He kept looking at me and smiled slyly, at my stupid attitude problem. He did not say anything. He knew i was in enough distress. Anyways i walked into a very popular mall, barefoot. By then i was no longer scared of losing my prestige. I was at ease and i knew, i probably would not see those people in the mall again in the near future. I walked very confidently into a shoe shop, and even there i took an hour to select what i wanted. And i bought really expensive ones this time, after all I had had enough of buying cheap shoes. When i look back at these incidents i laugh at myself and my stupid acts.

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These are a just a few incidents, which happened, there is a lot more embarrassment i went through. But now i guess it has taught how to be comfortable even in your most distressed phase. It has taught me that no one really cares if you are walking bare foot. They would laugh and forget it.

So, I still buy street wear and my fetish for shoes continues.

 

Picture courtesy:Google

You all zest up my life :)

This post is a part of the #ZestUpYourLife activity in association with TATA Zest and BlogAdda.com

Happy

Happiness is a state of mind ;). In a day of any average human being like you and me, we laugh a countless times, cry some times, but most of the time we are busy working towards our careers. We forget to notice those little things which really zests up our life. For about some time now I am mostly quiet and don’t interact much with people unless required. There are few things which changed my thought process, made me stronger and may be a little less motivated. But it is not that I am no longer interested in my life, I know there a handful of people who love me a lot and I live my life for them.

If I have to list down the 5 things/people/situations that add spice to my life and make me look forward to everyday then they would be as below.

My mumma and papa – I am the youngest in my family and have always been the irresponsible, pampered little baby at home. But my relationship with my parents has changed a lot in the past few years and so have I. My elder brothers are married now and stay far off for their jobs and my parents’ only focus is me. Initially I used to miss my brothers, cracking jokes which only we siblings understood and hated my mom’s 24X7 attention on me. But gradually I have grown much more attached to my parents and I feel they have grown very fond of me. Previously they used to be protective and not let me go places, but now they enjoy my company so much that they tell that they will miss me when I am gone (though this does not deter my mom from searching matches for me 😛 ). They both start planning from the morning, what will be cooked for me, which place we should travel next and now I enjoy their attention so much that I almost feel like the only child. When my brothers come home, and use my room or talk much to mom and dad, I almost feel like there are trespassers in my territory :P. I travel far for work and at times get vexed up and plan to stay close to office, but I immediately feel responsible for my parents back home. (PS. Also the comfort 😉 ). One day I would make them very proud and hope I can be by their side when they need me the most.

My Best friend Shruti – One person who knows the deepest of my secrets and with whom I can be myself completely is Shruti. We know each other from five years now and seen each other through the worst of our times. We are two poles apart and think very differently. So it is obvious we disagree on a lot of things, but in the end I dominate her and she has to agree to what I say 😛 (she is a sweetheart basically). Even if the whole world forgets to call me, she would call daily to ask about my well being. She is kind, polite, obedient, and pretty and all the nice adjectives you can think off. On the other hand I am blunt, impolite , argumentative , bossy (no wonder my mom always says, wish I had a daughter like shruti). But we look up to each other for little things and advice each other like we have seen the world. She makes me feel I can never be alone and have a support system to fall back on.

My Job– I work for a very reputed software company and every time I tell people where I work, there is a pride in my eyes. As I said my work place is far, my work timings are longer than normal. I spend more than twelve hrs of the day outside. The struggle begins right in the morning to catch a bus/cab and why I call it a struggle because here supply is much less than the demand. This keeps me on my toes and always attentive. It’s like first come, first serve. I work as a part of pretty big team and to be one of the star candidates in the team really matters. Though people say that our work is not very intellectual and does not require a lot of mind play, I feel it is crucial, demanding and we produce substantial results. Every day I strive to do better, to make the work easier for others and also I make work place a happier place for my colleagues. I have learnt in my short stint of working in this corporate world is that, we can improvise every day. There is a huge villa from improvement :P, if you know what i mean.  When I’m not doing well on the personal side I run to office where it’s only work and fun with my peers and I forget all my worries. Most importantly, it makes me feel independent. 🙂

Teaching: Right from my school days I used to like teaching, when I was kid I would tie a sari and put tick marks in my note books. So to fulfill this little dream I became a part of a NGO which aimed at improving communication and math skills for kids in shelter homes. This is the only and only way I give back to this world. When I signed up for this initiative I felt it’s going to be cake walk. I had nothing to do on weekends and I thought you just have to teach basic English and math. How difficult can it get anyway. It was a shelter home for boys of age 7-12 years. The struggle started after entering the place. It was a small tattered one floor building, in very bad condition. There was no drainage system at all, and used to smell all the time. It was difficult for me to imagine that these little kids actually stayed there for years together. They would cook food, go to nearby school and on weekends try to learn from us. And teaching them made me realize how painful it can be to teach 2+2 to a person. But when I meet them, I feel my life is no less than a paradise. These little kids, inspire me, play holi with me, laugh at my PJs and teach me to be patient. Success has no shortcuts. Nowadays I love my life and live it to the fullest. What you and I have, many of them in this world even cannot dream of.

Books, Music, Calvin and I – The final set of things which add zest to my life are my novels, old Hindi tracks , slow jazz, Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strips and me myself. There are times when to rejuvenate myself, I just grab a bestselling novel, tune into a nice soothing song and get lost in my own world. Reading books is like travelling to where the author takes you. Every day morning I read Calvin and Hobbes without fail. It either makes me laugh or amazes me at Calvin’s thoughts. When I cannot tell what I feel, I write it. It gives me clarity what I really should do in a situation. One should learn to enjoy one’s own company to be happy in life.

Thank you Blogadda for making me write this post. I know I have not listed very happening things to do. But these little things make my life perfect. When I started writing this blog post, I was as usual low but gradually as I started penning down my thoughts I realized that I actually have much more than others and there are many more things to achieve before I go to sleep.

Black, the Baap of all colors!!

This post is a part of #WhatTheBlack activity at BlogAdda.com

At a lot of homes in India, the black color happens to be one of the most underrated colors. It is always associated with bad luck and ruthlessly debarred from all sacred occasions. Unfortunately mine is a home like that. My mom did not let us buy a single two wheeler or four wheeler in black, and poor black always stayed outside my door. But then as I grew up, I started dominating mom at least in selecting my clothes, shoes or gadgets. I mean thanks to these weird superstitious omens in peoples mind, that even a black cat crossing your path is considered unlucky. Like ugly duckling, there should probably be a children’s movie on The black cat. Why punish the cat, because its black. That’s so racist.
My fascination with the color black started in my college days. There was a time, when whatever I used to shop would be in color black. But I gradually realized that, a black flip flop can go with any colored clothes, a black blouse would go with any sari (my mom told me that), and so emerged black as the baap of all colors. It is now supposed to be one of the sexiest colors and suits almost everything and everyone.
My personal favorites for things in black color would be:

 

Black.
1. A gorgeous netted black sari– I mean, who is more pretty, the model or the color. Or rather is the color black making her glow? I love wearing saris and consider it to be one of most beautiful attires and suitable for any occasion.
2. Black Nail color- I know, with rock bands promoting this nail color, it is now associated with wild things. But honestly it adds a bling to your fingers. And in my case, it was a blessing, because I don’t usually shape my nails, and like them blunt and black on blunt nails looks the best.
3. A black dog- Man’s best friend when in black is the cutest. They shine. They are already so adorable; black just makes them more cuter. Sadly I never had a pet and a few incidents have made me really scared of dogs, but there was a time when my neighbor’s black Labrador was my best friend.
4. A black phone/tablet. These days gadgets come in more colors than nail polish, and if they don’t, there are flashy, phone or tablet covers in vibrant colors. But I always liked it simple and elegant when in black. For me certain things are meant to be in certain shades and for a phone it is hands down black.
5. A black stiletto– Though I am usually a person very comfortable in flats, but If given a chance (and training :P), I would like to wear these. They are absolutely sexy.
6. A Black car– Look at that beauty. Though I know I might never be able to drive this car, but a black car is any day superior than other colored cars. Please moms, a black car is not unlucky.
7. A man in black suit– Though I would be biased to any guy wearing formals(because that’s what they look best in for me), if he has put on a black suit on his first date with me, he definitely has the second one on( *conditions apply :P). Men in black definitely make a statement.
8. Black wayfarers– I don’t even have to say how cool they look. My readers would already be nodding their heads for this one.
I am so glad, through a contest I’m getting to write this post, or else I would have just missed writing about the most amazing color of all times. Black you rock !! 
PS: That reminds me, please stop making kajal in colors like white at least(they look scary), Kajal is supposed in black.

Happiness is about small things and how simply you taught me.

I am writing about #MyRoleModel as a part of the activity by Gillette India in association with BlogAdda.com.
This blog post is dedicated to a very kind human being whom i met and interacted for a very short time.

Very recently I had gone to Kerala and we had advanced bookings for car and hotel. We were supposed to be picked up from the railway station and the same care was supposed to take us all the places in Kerala.

We were very tired after the train journey, and to our bad luck, the car had not come. We were calling all places to find out where the driver was and when we called him we realized that the driver was waiting at some other station for us. We took it for granted that he was lying and was probably picking someone else up. The station was a small one, so there was no proper place to even sit. We were very annoyed and after a long wait of 2 hours he finally came. My dad was waiting to scold him, but as soon as he came, he smiled. And his smile was so genuine and his sorry was so  heartfelt , that our anger just dropped and we could hardly say anything apart from “its ok”. Later my dad got a call from the authorities who told us that they had sent the driver to the wrong station.

Unlike most of the drivers who are very rash and frustrated about driving , he seemed to enjoy it and was very soft spoken. He had a very strong Malayalam accent in his voice, so it was a little difficult for us to make out what he said, but no matter what he said, he would always smile.

He was financially not very well off at all, he told us he had been to gulf and was planning to go there again till his 4 year old daughter told him, “daddy you would anyway be driving the car there why not drive it here and stay with us.” This made me feel why so many of us migrate, when they can stay here with their family and be much happier. I always used to fight with the cabbies in my office and tell them to drive properly, but this journey made me think otherwise. For most of the time we were travelling and when sitting in an AC car doing nothing can be so tiring, how difficult it is for someone to drive continuously. It is important we try and understand someone’s trouble in life and behave with them keeping in mind all of that.

He would take us on roads, where the view can be good, so that though we see less places we still would cover as much as possible. He skipped all places in Itinery which were not worth seeing and showed us better places. He seemed to be a very loving family man, and he told us that wherever he went around Kerala, he would get something back for his children, because he could not afford to show them these places. Happiness is about small things.

We would always take him for lunch and dinner wherever we went , and he was so touched by all of it, that he narrated to us incidents of how other passengers would not even think about the driver and not even offer him a chai(tea).

I have learnt now that no matter what you do, however big or small your job is, it is essesntial that you do it with utmost sincerity and perfection. One should have patience and perserverance in life. One should be content.  He would never be late. He would never ask for any tip or  chai paani. He was a man with a lot of self respect. All in all , he made our trip a memorable one. While leaving my father offered him money and told him to buy something for his kids, his eyes gleamed and i could see he was very grateful to us though we hardly had done anything for him.

PS: His name is Sameer, and he is a good man. 🙂