When i decided to leave Facebook

Happiness is a state of mind. And life these days is incomplete without sharing that state with your friends,friends of friends and everyone who has connectivity to internet. Yes i am talking about sharing happy moments on Facebook.

So when everything was so happy on Facebook, why did i leave it? I left it because Facebook told me that everyone in the world was happy except me. Every time i would open my FB page,  there would be at least 3 friends who have got married, 4 friends who have got engaged, 2 friends having a baby, 5 friends moving to the US, and another 50 friends having checkins at places you were always waiting to go, and you , the small pathetic you, is scrolling through their smiles on your FB wall, while munching some unhealthy stuff.

I sulked and sulked to think why my life was so sad, i was not even able to count my blessings, and all that i could think off was the countless issues i had with life, be it professional or personal. This is called the Facebook Depression(this is in my medical terminology 😛 ).  But nevertheless, i still clung on to this self torture, but soon i got the blow. The strong person inside me, decided to show the world, that i also can smile and i went ahead and posted a status brimming with philosophy only to check every five minutes to see how many likes i got, but when the likes were crawling, i decided to post a picture and the response was not very different. The likes were less not because the picture was not great but may be because the picture exposed my desperate attempt to get my life back.

And my relationship with facebook was so self inflicting and excruciating that i needed to stop this and move on. And the break up was for good. Its been close to 1.5 years that we have not looked back at each other, because he always found company of people who feeded on the the likes their pictures got and those “awww” comments their statuses got and i finally found Peace.

I finally see happiness in my life, get more time to talk to my parents, spend no time taking a 100 selfies for a perfect DP, and do things which make me happy. I no longer feel the need to tell those 500 odd friends what issues i am dealing with and which place i am having my dinner tonight. Those friends who really want to tell me what’s changing in their life, will call me to tell me, they will not send me a group invite for their wedding, and neither will I.

I opened Facebook today, because i wanted to see if Facebook has included a reason like “Why only my life sucks while everyone else’s is flourishing” 😛 when you try to deactivate your account :), it hasn’t. And my wall is still filled with the same old stories.  🙂

This post is not against FB but against every that thing that makes you unhappy but we still find are tempted to go through pain. And if i could break-free, anyone can.

So if you are always in a troubled relationship with Facebook, its time you breakup and start an amazing new year. 🙂

 

 

Back to the days of Innocence.

My WhatsApp status is “Searching for Peace”, and trust me mental peace is the most expensive commodity for me today, I have tried shopping, watching movies, eating junk, and blown quite an amount thinking i will be happy and peaceful. But i guess i got duped by these artificial senses of pleasure. There is no specific reason to be unhappy; i have a settled job, a happy family and a close knit group of friends. But at times grief and tension seems to take a toll on me, so i had to resort to my last option; writing. And here i am again to share titbits of my life.

Getting old

I am a month away from my 25th birthday and introspection is at its peak. Looking back at the years of my life, my achievements, my share of joy and sorrow is all i have been doing from the beginning of this year. Where my mom feels i should get married, my dear learned colleagues at office feel, i should accomplish more, my friends feel i should go for higher studies, i am dreaming of the impossible. I want to go back a decade and a half to a time where peace was free. I want to go back to those days of school dress, holiday home works, and those short walks with my mom and brother from school to home.

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It brings a smile to my face thinking of the happiest times in my life, which i possibly did not notice then. It was such a beautiful routine, wake up, dress up, reach school just in time, rush for prayer, enjoy the classes, finish homework in school, crack silly jokes with friends, call each other pet names, gossip about the monitor and munch on those simple lunches. After school, my brother and I used to walk down home with mom, I used to tell her so many stories of school, and buy chocolates everyday (no wonder I had two root canals J ). Once I reached home, I would quickly change, have a quick bite, and happily take my afternoon siesta with mom. And at about 5, I used to sneak out of the bed and go to play with my colony kids.  Back then jumping between boxes blindfolded was more nail biting than writing CAT. After getting back home , it used an hour of study and then watching movies and serials with mom till dinner time. And trust me at that time Jassi jaisi koi nahi, was my favorite show , it was not some stupid serial. And finally it was time for peaceful sleep again.

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Times now have definitely changed, since now long walks with mom are scary, since it will start with her friend’s daughter’s marriage but will shift to mine, in no time. Now nothing is simple anymore, you have to be so diplomatic at work place, where we spend the most of the time, that those innocent smiles are lost. A lot of people know me as miss chatter box, but ask people around me now, they possibly have not even noticed me, since when you grow up, and you look at people with those dirty lenses of judgment, with mind full of prejudices and heart full of negativity. And hence I build a hostile boundary around me and do not make friends anymore. And if some person is able to cross all these layers and be my friend then they stay so for a lifetime.

At times I feel, in this race to be mature and smart, have we really left those innocent selves behind where smiling at the camera was because you were happy not because you were going to make it your Facebook profile picture. I miss going to bed with absolutely nothing on my mind.

I hope I will have days, where I can laugh my heart out with friends, where I can go on even longer walks with mom and quit fighting demons of my life. J

Images courtesy:Google

Misunderstood Relationships..When Love is at War X-)

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Love.. Love.. Love Love Love… Hate is a strong word, but i really really don’t like you..By Plain White Ts. This song only tells me that after a break up, two people who were so madly in love start loathing each other and cannot stand each other.

Today my blog post goes out to all broken hearts, people who regret their past relationship, have strained relationships with their Xs and also the victims of one sided love stories.

Almost every girl or guy i know, is in a relationship or is out of a relationship or is going through a break up or is sulking at the fact that the person they like do not like them. Another new breed which i see now is the set of people who are unhappy because they cant go out with a person they like lest they would lose their friendship.

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This new kind of relationship is  between two best friends who find lot of solace and happiness in each other. But its not so easy since the two best friends belong to opposite genders and their closeness cannot be perceived as best friends by their friends but as that of a girl friend and boy friend.  This viewpoint of others sometimes blurs our vision and at times overpowers it, and we are unsure of what we feel for our friend.

Also one person may feel that when the other person is so special what is wrong in being in a relationship, since there is no clear distinction or boundaries of how much you should like a person. But when the other person feels otherwise things get complicated. Its not that the other one cares less or has less liking but thinks that the relationship cannot materialize in the long run.

Sometimes its best to be friends if  you really care for the other person, and are unsure of the future, since two people cannot be friends  if they break off their affair. A break up mostly is because one person cannot commit or falls for somebody else. So as you can see, the other party is in more pain and has suffered a major heartbreak.

Now the two people who were so cute together and could fight the world for each other suddenly start fighting a cold war between them. But the biggest pain most of the times is that, the one person who used to be your best friend, with whom you had no formalities, suddenly gets so far that you can’t even talk to each other. This disappoints me the most that you end up losing your favorite friend. The person who breaks up cannot talk,since they have to stick to the stand and the other person is so hurt and feels their ego is hurt as he/she is dumped.

Can’t two people behave with more maturity and instead of being enemies be two people who would stay special for the other person and be  good friends always.  But i am sure i would not have too many supporters for this thought of mine, so i am not trying to justify my stand.

They say Everything is fair in love and war, but now what i see is Love itself is the New War X-).

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All i wish to tell people is if you like the other person,  be good to them, don’t predict the future too much and do not let the complications crop in.  Face rejection with more gracefully, after all saying no to your best friend is not a very cool thing to do. It is equally painful. Not being able to convert the relationship as per your wish should not be like an ego hurt, but rather one should learn to respect another individual’s decision.  Life is too short to hate  anyone, Love is a strong word but we can surely like people around us. 🙂

One day you would think back in your life and feel, I have what i need which may not always be what i wanted.

Love Vs EGO… who wins??

Ego vs Love

Human beings possess a serious problem. They crave for attention, no matter how much some of us would deny, deep down we all are a bit of wannabes. Each one of us are desperately trying to impress someone; it could be your dad, your boss, your crush, your girlfriend or your teacher. We all want to emerge as heroes in front of them.

Since I can write best for people of my age, we youngsters are always trying to be our best in front of our crushes or people with whom we see a opportunity 😉 of a relationship of love. So it’s not very easy to become that hero, whoever has tried will know. We really go beyond us at times. Just for an example, you might be lethargically sitting on your sofa, when your dad tells you to drop a cheque in the drop box at a nearby bank, and your immediate response on that  will be. “daddy its weekend, my only holiday, please don’t make me work today at least”, instead if the girl you are dreaming off, or the guy who has swept you away, gives you a call and tells you if you would be free to accompany him/her to a bank which is miles away from your place, what would your response be? no prizes for guessing, it would be a YES. A couple of people I know will pounce on me and say, I am being a hypocrite and it’s not like that. They would not give up on their sleep for a outing which may or may not be a date. But I speak for most of them; some exceptions are always there :). So now you see how much we have given up just to make someone happy. 😉 😉

Then you also start caring, you will be concerned, but like a human being craves for attention, they also possess a serious problem. They CANNOT HANDLE ATTENTION. A lot of times the male kind is blamed to do it more, but I strongly feel that not being able to handle attention is not a gender based problem. We feel we need someone who cares for us, but mostly we end up feeling suffocated and caged when we are being cared and pampered for too much, and quite a few times it’s because we don’t get the attention from the right person.

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So the cycle is:  you give attention-> the other person feels you are getting too pushy and why do they need to care for when you already care so much -> you feel bad, not cared for like a doormat -> and then our second hero Mr. EGO steps in -> We feel horrible that we are being taken for granted and there are enough people who care for us, we don’t need anyone else to do that.

And then the actual fight starts, between Love and Ego, because love will always tell you that if you have an ego issue with the person you like then you are mistaken about the liking, because its solely your problem, you gave them value, then you should have continued to do so without  building your string of expectations, but then Ego also presents its own valid set of arguments you can’t afford to fore go, he would say, you care and other person never caring will land you up in a ditch which you have dug for yourself.  So why not give them a chance to give you value and you behave like you do not care. But the other person who is totally unaware of your masterminded plans here, will treat you the same way, unless they realize they are not getting the same amount of importance as they always used to from you. And then may be, could be,  they start making an effort and miss your presence in their life and start caring for you, but then again you will suffer from not able to handle attention syndrome and eventually they will from ego hurt. So it’s all a vicious circle which will continue forever.

Poor love is sometimes bashed up down the road by ego and his friends like attitude, rationale, logic and practicality.  But sometimes love needs that bashing, because some of us, just are so plain and blindly stupid, that we fail to see how much of our self respect is being hurt caring for someone who is totally indifferent about it. But also they say, only light can drive out darkness and love can drive out hate, if someone is being sweet in his/her own ways may be not exactly like you wanted then, one should just stop measuring them against their standards of expectations they have fulfilled.  The war between your heart(love) and mind(ego) can be simply waved off if only you could measure up to each other. The whole point is, if after a while of caring for someone you can clearly make out that the other person is worth it or not. If not its better to stay away, because self hurt is no justice to any form of love 🙂

Even when I was writing this post, I realized how stupid we get in life; yet again I come around and realize that for me my ego can never overpower my love.

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PS: All the examples listed in this post are completely fictional 🙂 and any resemblance to my life or any other character is purely intended and not coincidental 😛 The whole incident above does not necessary apply to love between a couple but also between friends, family and colleagues. I think it even applies between you and your pet, if no matter how hard you try your dog is not willing to give you a handshake, its best to pat him on his back and move on 🙂

Images Courtesy: Google and my sharp sense of search 😉

Fresher/ 2 yrs of work ex? Work Place mates- Colleagues or Friends ??? My journey so far

This post of mine goes out to all of those folks who have started working or already are working from quiet sometime or who would start working in a while . After 2 years of my association with the corporate world in two very good companies(Yes i got a little lucky and my hard work paid off 😉 ;))  with a superb work culture there are a few realizations i have had.  Hopefully you will all say, “yes this happened to me”, or” yes i could have done it this way” . I would never suggest you to do what i did, since only if you do what you feel from inside only then its your experience else its mine. After all one life, all decisions in life should be one’s own.

To start off with, the best and worst feeling is transition from college to work.  A few of my lucky friends and me, got placed from campus, and we did not really have to try too much to get the job from outside. Trust me, getting into a company, off campus or after college is much more difficult than what you think.  Anyways we got into a big brand in consulting and were on cloud 9 after that. But it was not long before we were brought down on ground level and my own college mates had become my competitors.  I had started missing my college life, not that i had great time or i bunked too many classes but life was comfortably on my terms. There were no afternoon naps, no fresh air but long journeys, lot of chais from the wending machine and an air conditioned atmosphere all the time.

In no time, i was working, had a bank account, had a credit and debit card and was earning money. But weirdly i never felt that I’m working, or the work i did generated revenue for the firm, or something i could get paid for.  It was fun and challenging being on the job, no spoon feeding, Google becoming your savior and the only aim being to learn work faster.  I guess instead of studies it was working on an application and it was exciting. But couple of things had changed, good things- My clothes, my style sense 😉 😉 😉 , my patience levels , my understanding of this world had thoroughly changed; bad things-lots of responsibility, competition to impress the boss, self praise and the worst part, work life politics.

Till college i had just heard about it, but then it was first hand experience. My own friends had stopped sharing if they were getting a hike, or how they were growing up the ladder, and ya i too was colored up in this rat race. Everyone was quietly initiating visas, building up networks, creating relationships 😉 and we all were drifting away. And then there were colleagues, a few smarter, a few trying to act smart, a few bitchy and a few with whom i made life long bonds. And then i felt the unfair reward system, your slogging  for hours did n’t pay off and someone else working much lesser than you took the chocolate. Whether the other guy worked hard or not we mostly feel that he/she  just did not deserve it.  But it was not all that bad, because i met a couple of  very good people who were selflessly nurturing me, parenting me not to work better but to make me a better individual, to be less sensitive and more understanding. There is also an appraisal time where everyone wass more interested in the rating, bonuses and  hikes of others rather than their own. It was like noting down their marks like back in school and then seeing if you topped or they. But its fair may be because that what tells you where you stand and what you lack at.

My takeaway was  that its okay if you do not get the award, because that’s temporary, don lose heart since your hard work did not payoff. You worked well, not because of your extensive hard work or your greed for an award but because you always work well, that’s inborn ;). Also it is necessary sometimes to project your work in the right way. You have to tell people how your work is, its not boasting but rather creating awareness about yourself to your colleagues. Your friends will always be so, everybody wants to prove oneself, they also are trying. So its best to clear your misunderstandings upright politely. Its never good to harm your professional relationships, because even if you want you can’t leave that place at your say, its nice to see friends at office every morning, its like an inspiration and not have rats whom you hate and who hates you, its awkward. You will need them, because a lunch cannot be enjoyed with your managers 😉 if you get what i mean. 🙂 🙂

Struggling and juggling between my life’s priorities i finished a year in my company. And then i had my friends leaving the company for higher studies, they were going back to college. It was a mixed feeling i was feeling very glad for them, but was also feeling I’l be left behind in this hateful place without them. That’s when i felt that i liked the people more than my work. Not a good sign. I liked my work but insecurities, dissatisfaction  had cropped in, the motivation was over. I may be should have made more friends or had got a little more motivation from my peers. But it was not in my hands. The craze was over and the hunt had begun. Its definitely is not a good thing to leave companies before about 2 years at your own fancy,  but good luck shined on me and i got an interview call from a very reputed firm. As i said Healthy competition is always needed so i hushed about it and cracked the interview. Before i made it i was cribbing, but after that it was like waiting for enter a new world. Leaving behind my old friends was not easy, but change is always important as well as inevitable. It keeps you going for new learning, new experiences and a search for a better you.

My journey part 2 began after serving a happy happy notice period where i worked much more than needed in a very short time, because there was no pressure, no fight to be the best but it was to do what i liked.  And guess what my apprehensions about new people, had been answered well. Fear was more because back then i had my college friends coming along, but in no time my colleagues were my friends, healthy competition still existed  in  my heart but it was no longer a rat race, Maturity 😉 had stepped in.  If i proved myself or not is still an unanswered question because i did not have an appraisal 😉 but I guess i am happy with the change. And somehow my peers have at workplace have made my world better.

So its not always that we only have formal relationships at work, or we just have a hi bye relationship but we do make strong connections with people who have the same frequency as ours, but we do have to clearly differentiate that when is it work time and when is it fun time. What are our priorities, how do we mange time, our work life balance, our diplomatic associations with people, 😉 ;), our strings attached with people. Once we have clarity on all of this we will succeed. We may not be the top performer always but we would true to our work, our conscience and people around.

I know it was a loooooooong post but pushing in 2 years of New life, could not have been shorter. We back bite sometimes, we get criticized sometimes, we become the butt of the jokes, but It is JUST FINE. Sometimes, if people have fun with you does not mean they hate you, it means they happiness lies in making fun of a sweet friend like you.  It’s like getting buckled up for the next step, i always get teased because i get irritated but trust me, when i think back i relish those moments because it was a fun moment. Always be open to learning , don intend to make enemies, don have an attitude problem, if lot of people don like you its not because you are different but because something is wrong. Its time to introspect. Work is worship don let anything come in between,  because your bank balance, your shopping, the glow on your face on 31 st of every month is because of that work. You have to earn it. 🙂 🙂

I am no work life balance counselor but i am just another someone in the crowd who feels sharing experiences always helps. 🙂
Images Courtesy :Google 🙂

When I lost you forever… This time you were never gonna come back..

I write this blog post to express my pain, and writing  has always been my favorite things to do in my painful situations.

Why? Why? why? why god.. do you have to punish your children by taking away their parents. I know death is the most practical reality of life, but why so early.. why when no one is prepared? If you want us to accept your decisions with grace, please take them with responsibility. I know all the atheist and agnostic friends of mine would be ready to fight back saying, its all science. God is nowhere responsible for good or bad things that happen. But you know, sometimes we just have to blame someone.. it gives us peace, a kind of solace.

We all handle death in numerous ways. some are strong, some fall weak, but i always felt that i would cry and eventually forget. I thought that if i know the person really well only then will i feel bad, else even if i try i would not cry. I also felt that i would never be able to see a cremation, see a person, with whom we have shared the best of our moments, who have seen us as a baby, whom we have seen behave like a baby. But all my beliefs and my opinions overturned when i saw my dearest friend lose her dad..


I knew uncle very less, i was not supposed to cry, but everything that she told( memories flood into your mind in these situations ), every tear that fell from her eyes, just dragged the strong girl from my body and throw her outside and my weak self gave in. I could not stop my tears but could not stop it either. I had to be strong for her. Every time i would put myself in her place i would shatter from inside. Whenever i would think that there would be no dad calling  on her phone, i got shivers.  Hats off to you that you stood strong my friend. I had never attended a cremation before, i never wanted to either, but this time i could not let her stand alone in such a tough situation, i went. And to my surprise i din feel scared or upset. Because by then uncle had just reduced to a body.

Rituals.. they have been specially crafted to make the person feel bad, hurt and make the tired eyes cry again. People, stop having rituals which make you feel bad. God will never want such a sacrifice from you. Please realize that someone out there has lost their father/husband/mother/daughter…… please don make it worse for them by pushing them to see their near and die get burnt to ashes. It might amuse some people and be a public melodrama but its not an easy situation at all for people who are really going through it.
Sometimes no set of words can be right. I could not say a word, i always felt i was faking though i was not, but just could not say anything. Because no words can comfort the other person because no matter what you, death is an irreparable loss. This time the loss is eternal and he would never come back. No matter how much you call him back.. he would not come back.
I know all of us may have lost someone we must have loved with all our heart, i just hope their souls rest in peace and may god give strength to all of them who are not prepared for this situation. I know one can never be prepared for it, but everyone needs some time to fulfill their dreams,  to see their kids settle, I wish if by any chance one does not have time at least give their near and dear people strength to cope up with this harsh reality of life. You know sometimes that might just be the beginning of their lives…

PS: I wrote this blog post not to hurt anyone/ remind them of their sorrowful incidents but because i could not keep so much pain inside me..

Opening Night- Diksha Basu

Madhu Stars: 2.5/5
All human beings Rich or poor, black or white, have one thing in common, DREAMS. And it takes tremendous amount of passion to follow them, fulfill them and this journey to hug our desires defines our lifetime.
Opening Night might not say everything from its name, but it’s a journey of many lows and very few highs of our Lead character, Naiya Kapur.  She is an Indian, born and brought up in America. She has a comfortable, sheltered life with her father. Though not very studious, she bagged herself a job in a corporate, wore stylish clothes, but gradually her high heels and pencil skirt life got monotonous like all ours. And just like all of us, at a moment she ponders, “Was this is all I dreamed off? Am I supposed to do this work all my life” And then she was bitten, in fact smitten by the Acting Bug. After performing for a small play in theatre, she felt this is what she was made for, and then as you all could have guessed, she packed her bags and ran away to mahanagari Mumbai, leaving her dreary, humdrum life behind.
In Mumbai She met people, roamed aimlessly on streets of Bandra, fell in love, had a series of disappointments, but her roomies, jess and Dino, added a glow to her life.
 But will Naiya survive? Will her “Happily ever after “dreams come true? Will she ever have an opening Night? Or will she be bored again here in Mumbai and pack her bags back to her life in America? Grab a copy to know.
 I enjoyed the book given the Bollywood touch to it. It’s predictable at times, but still holds you.  One thing which stood out for me personally was the traditional culture which Naiya held to, she never fell into bed with every stranger she met, she took her dad’s advice, she knew what she had to do and never compromised on that, may be her dollars helped her as well. 🙂
Yes the book drags, and after a point you can guess that she would not make it at all, there is only disappointments and isolation.
But all in all, it’s a good pass time book, with very few moments which makes you stare at the page and think for a while.